


X-Men Origins: Professor Dad

by dystopiceyre



Series: Domestic!Cherik [1]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Charles Always Says the Absolute Worst Thing He Could Possibly Say, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Charles You Slut, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, Family, First Dates, Gen, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 14:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5052970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dystopiceyre/pseuds/dystopiceyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles is a young, attractive, mutant genetics professor who is completely happy just hooking up with men and not being in a serious relationship... that is until his baby sister signs him up for a dating website. Erik is a hard working single father of three young children who is finally ready to settle down again after his wife's death six years ago. They meet, they fall in love, and everything is great... Except for one thing. Charles has no desire to be a father and is completely inept with kids. Will the twins and Lorna be able to steal his heart, or will Charles be forced to lose Erik forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the midquel to my fic Adventures of Dadneto and Professor Dad, but they honestly can be read in any order.  
> The title is a play on X-Men Origins: Wolverine  
> I am THE WORST about updating fics, so please bare with me!  
> Currently unbeta'd, all mistakes are my own.  
> Kudos and comments always appreciated!

"Raven?" Charles asks, knocking on his sister’s door. He could hear her and her best friend, Angel, giggling inside.

"Come on in, Charles," she calls out.

Charles enters and sighs at the whirlwind mess they have made. Clothes, make up, and discarded food wrappers litter every possible surface of the room. While they might be grown women, nearly 21 years old, their time spent together resulted in the same amount of mess as a 12-year-old slumber party. Not that Charles should be one to judge, his room was drowning in stacks of books and papers. 

“I’m ordering Chinese food, do you girls just want the usual order?”

“I thought that you were making omelets tonight?” asked Angel.

“Yeah, that didn’t exactly go according to plan,” Charles shrugs. “You heard the fire alarm.”

“Only you, brother dear, could mess up making something as easy as glorified cheesy eggs,” Raven teases.

“Well I’d like to see _you_ try your hand at cooking, sister dear,” Charles quips back.

“Nah, I think lack of culinary skills is genetic. And the fire department has visited this apartment enough times in the past six months. It’s safer to just order out. And don’t forget my extra sweet and sour sauce this time”

“I like to think of my poor cooking as an excuse to stimulate the economy and support local restaurants.”

“Which is good, ‘cause they’d all go bankrupt without your support,” Angel says, only half joking.

“I resent that remark,” Charles says with a fake gasp. “ _Someone’s_ not getting the extra potsticker tonight.”

He exits the room chuckling as Angel throws a pillow at his face.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

When their food arrives, Charles calls the girls out to the dining room table, which is currently serving as his office. The table is covered in half-graded projects and forgotten about coffee mugs. Angel haphazardly pushes aside a stack of papers to make room for her and her friend to eat.

“I thought there was a no devices at the dinner table rule,” Raven jokes as Charles sits fiddling with his phone.

“I’m looking at work emails, that’s different,” Charles says dismissively.

“Really? Cuz according to the mirror on the wall behind you, you’re currently checking out dudes on Tinder,” Angel points out. “And besides you scroll up and down to look at email, not swipe left or right.”

Charles shoots her one of his “disappointed teacher” looks. “You know, I liked you a lot better when I thought you were a shy, sweet little girl.”

Angel shrugs, sticking out her tongue at him.

Charles pauses for a moment. Though he didn’t allow himself to read the girls individual thoughts, he could tell by their body language and the busy hum of their minds that they were up to something. With a sigh, he asks Raven what she’s thinking about.

“I know your romantic life is none of our business,” Raven begins.

“It _really_ isn’t,” Charles buts in.

“Just let me finish! But you’re closer to 30 then 20 now…”

“I’m only 26, Raven!”

“Shut up, Charles! What I was trying to say is that you haven’t had a serious boyfriend in years. I can’t even remember the last time you brought one home for anything other than sexcapades.”

“Raven!” Charles admonishes, choking on his lo mein.

“The fact that you know the details of your brother’s sex life is greatly concerning, Rave,” Angel interjects. “But that being said, she’s right, Charles. You need to start thinking about meeting a nice guy and settling down.”

Charles sighs, fighting the urge to stick out his bottom lip like a pouting child. “I appreciate the thought girls, but I really don’t need my baby sister and her best friend trying to set me up with someone again, you did that enough when you were in high school.. I’m completely happy with the bachelor life, I don’t want to get back into the serious dating world anytime soon.”

“Too late!” Raven squeals, whipping her laptop out of a bag by her feet. “Angel and I started filling out an online dating profile for you.”

“What the fuck, Raven! Why would you do something like that?”

“We’re not along in thinking this Charles, even Moira agrees with us. She even helped us fill out some of the questions.”

“Remind me to send her a strongly worded text about this later tonight. Dear God, I need new friends,” Charles sighs. “I am _not_ signing up with an internet dating service. Think of all the creepy internet predators on there!”

“Says the guy meeting random dudes to hook up with using a phone app,” Angel deadpans.

“That’s the last straw. You both lose all potsticker privileges for the next month,” Charles says as he snatches the container away from them, with Angel protesting vehemently. “I feed and clothe you, let you live in my apartment, and this is the thanks that I get.”

“Charles, I just want you to be happy. Really I do.”

“And I _am_ happy Raven. I have a job and friends that I love, as well as a sister who is caring to a fault. It’s one thing to introduce me to a cute boy that you know of, but sign me up for online dating? This is a little over the top, even for you.”

Angel snorts at the thought of anything being too over the top for Raven, which earns her a hard jab from Raven’s elbow.

“Please Charles, just try it. If you don’t meet anyone you like after, say a month?, then I’ll deactivate the account and we can pretend like it never happened. Do it for me?”

Charles tried to look away, but he was too late. Raven had set her puppy dog eyes on him. Those eyes had gotten her out of untold numbers of speeding tickets and into many a club without an ID. It took a cold hearted son of a bitch to be capable of defying that look, and goddamit, Charles was not nearly soulless enough to resist her powers.

          “Okay, okay, I’ll look at your stupid website!”

Raven’s eyes widened even farther in disbelief. She jumped up from the table and ran towards her brother, kissing him on the cheek. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me.”

          “I’m not sure _why_ this means anything to you in the first place. But if you get to meddle in my love life, then I get mess with yours too.”

          “Wait, why? _I_ date people all the time!” Raven protests.

“I don’t know, Raven, that seems pretty fair. What are the ground rules?” Angel asks.

“You two can meet me in my classroom tomorrow for my ten o’clock lecture. I will point out several options of people I approve for you, and you will then choose one of them to ask on a date. Angel will be allowed back her potsticker privileges if she can confirm that you and whomever you chose did go on a real date which you are not allowed to sabotage.”

“I get my potstickers back? Raven, you are so taking this deal.” Angel says excitedly.

“Ok, deal. But you can’t sabotage any of your dates either.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Charles says rolling his eyes dramatically.

The two shake hands on their deal and dinner continues without chaos. Or with as little chaos as can be expected given the circumstances. When they are finished, Angel and Raven return to her room. She emails Charles the account information. Though Charles is determined to keep his attention on the papers he’s grading, curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls out his laptop to check it out.

“ _Mutant Meets_ , eh? Let’s see what the damage is.” Charles says to himself.

His profile is still in the set up stage where the service asks all sorts of nosy information about you. Charles found it slightly disturbing, though not at all surprising, that Moira and his sister knew all the intimate details of his life. Date of birth, favorite color, schooling and such were things that nearly anyone would know about him, but they had quite accurately filled in the information about his beliefs, hopes for the future, and the type of boyfriend he was interested in as well.

After checking out the first few pages, Charles figured that the rest of the questionnaire would be filled in successfully as well. The only tabs left were Family and Medical History. Charles didn’t have any major health issues, so he didn’t feel that tab was relevant anyways. As for family, it had been just Raven and him for years since their mom passed away from alcohol poisoning. Their father had been dead for years before that. They had a step-brother, Cain Marko, as well, but Raven and Charles did their best to forget that he had ever existed. Satisfied that everything was filled out as well as possible, Charles clicked ‘Post profile’.

“Here goes nothing. I hope you’re happy, Raven.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azazel tells Erik that he should start dating again

**Erik:** I just finished putting the kids to bed. Come over for drinks?

 **Azazel:** Will it be your pansy German beer or should I break out the hardcore stuff?

 **Erik:** Hardcore

 **Erik:** PLEASE

 **Azazel:** I’ll be over in 5

 **Erik:** I’ll leave the front door unlocked

Erik sighed in relief. Having a Russian neighbor with a large collection of vodka came in handy on nights like this one.

Azazel walked in his front door, bottle of alcohol in hand. “What’s the story with your trio of demons today?” he asked.

“Very ironic coming from you,” said Erik, gesturing to Azazel’s pointed tail.

“Haha, very funny,” Azazel says as he pours out shots for both of them. “Now drink up and tell me what happened.”

“First I had to leave in the middle of an important business call with Emma Frost this morning to meet with the twins’ principal today."

"Emma Frost as in CEO of Frost Corporations?"

"The one and only. The twins were both in trouble for repeatedly not paying attention in class. Wanda apparently reads under her desk while the teacher is teaching because the material isn’t challenging enough for her."

"What child gets in trouble for reading?!" Azazel asks, incredulous.

"I understand why her teacher would be upset that she's not paying attention, but I don't think he should have sent her to the principal's office for it. Pietro on the other hand refuses to hold still. He distracts the other students with his leg bouncing, pen tapping, gum snapping, and general chaotic presence."

"Do you think he has ADHD or that it's just an early indicator of his mutation?"

"I'm not sure, but I'm making an appointment with a specialist to find out. I drove over to the Dane's to pick up Lorna for my weekend with her only to find Abigail in tears because she can't find her anywhere. I help her look for her for an hour until we decide to call the police to report a missing child, but then we find her playing at a park three blocks away from her house. She had been chasing a butterfly and had disappeared when Abigail had gone inside for a minute to start dinner. She wasn't hurt or anything, but she scared the living shit out of us. After we got that all sorted out, I took the twins to a friend’s birthday party where Pietro relentlessly attacked his sister with a lightsaber until she was in tears and we had to leave early. I tried to get the three of them to watch a movie together after dinner to distract them for their need to kill each other, but they couldn’t agree on what to watch and ended up at each other’s throats all over again. I hope this blows over by tomorrow, otherwise it’s going to be a very difficult weekend.”

“That sounds rough, buddy.”

“Rough indeed,” Erik agreed, pouring himself another shot. “I love them all to death, but I think they might _literally_ be the death of me.”

“You know what you need?” asked Azazel.

“Zookeeper training so I can learn to wrangle my children better?” Erik suggested.

“That probably wouldn’t hurt, but what I was going to say is that you need a break. You spend all of your time either working or tending the children, and you’re clearly at a breaking point.”

“I can’t just take a break from being a father.”

“No, but you could find someone to co-parent with,” Azazel suggested.

“Hire a nanny? I think that you’re grossly overestimating how much money I make.”

“No, I was thinking more along the lines of starting to date again. It’s been three years since Lorna was born, have you gone out with a single person since then?”

“Abigail and I never dated,” Erik points out.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“No, I haven’t seen anyone since then,” Erik admitted.

“Well I think it’s time that you take the stick out of your ass and replace it with a dick up your ass. Or the other way around. Or maybe you’ll find a nice girl, I don’t really care who it is as long as you start dating again.”

“This is the worst pep talk that I have ever heard. No more drinking for you.” Erik said, moving the bottle of vodka out of reach. 

“I agree that my delivery wasn’t the best, but the point still stands Erik. You’re still relatively young, you should get out there while you can.”

“I don’t know how big of a market there is for 28-year-old bisexual mutant widowers with three small children.”

“You’d be surprised at who you can find on the internet these days.”

“That’s not exactly comforting. People meet serial killers on the internet all the time. I’d prefer not to have my children and I brutally murdered all in the name of me finding myself a date.”

“You could totally take a serial killer. If he pulled a weapon on you, you could use your powers to disarm him or counterattack. Unless he used a non-metal weapon, in which case you’d be fucked. But I’d say nice things about you at the funeral.”

“You’re a really twisted person, you know that?” Erik said. “Is this what you think about all the time?”

“The world will never know,” Azazel replied with a wink. “But we’re getting off topic here. I know some mutant co-workers who have found dates through this website, _Mutant Meets._ I’ll even watch the kids for your first date.”

Erik raised his eyebrow in interest. One night away from the kids couldn’t hurt, especially if they were with someone they knew and liked.

“Ok, I’ll check it out. But I’m holding you to that promise of babysitting. I don’t think you understand just what it is that you’re getting into.”

“Nah, I’ll be fine. Kids are always better for babysitters than they are for their own parents. I accept payment in cash, drugs, and/or meat lover’s pizza.”

“…You’re joking about the drugs thing, right?”

“Like I said, the world will never know.”


	3. Everything is Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from "Colors" by Halsey  
> Sorry about the length of time in between updates, senior year has been killing me. I have the next couple chapters drafted out, but God knows when the next time I'll have to sit down and write is.  
> Currently unbeta'd, all mistakes are my own (especially in this chapter, it's a fucking mess because I haven't had a chance to read through it again and fix things yet. I'll update it so it has better flow when I post the next chapter).  
> If you ever want to talk Cherik with me, I recently changed my tumblr url to [laurensalexander](laurensalexander.tumblr.com)

          “Welcome to the classroom where the magic happens. Or, science rather,” said Charles, gesturing to his classroom. I’ll grab some extra chairs by the supply closet for you guys to hang out in while I’m teaching.”

“I’ve never been to this part of campus before. This lecture hall is huge!” said Angel. “Do a lot of people take our classes?”

“This room has 120 seats. NYU is renowned worldwide for its mutant genetics program so I’ve had students from all over the world. As the newest member of the department, I teach all of the larger beginning lecture classes this semester, but a colleague of mine is retiring soon so next semester I’ll take on two smaller lab based classes. I also recently put in a request for funding for some independent research in the field. If that goes through, I’ll be choosing an assistant from one of those classes.”

“Aww, I’ so proud of my big brother!” said Raven, wrapping her arm around Charles. “Kicking ass, taking names, and about to get a new boyfriend.”

“I never agreed to a long term relationship, I just to try online dating for a month. Besides, you’re here today so I can set you up with someone too. Any preferences I should know about before I choose?”

“I’m not picky gender-wise, but if you’re gonna choose a dude I’d prefer someone tall. Nice hands are a definite plus. I’m fine with any girl as long as she’s not _too_ pretty, ya know? Like I want to be like ‘wow, she’s cute’ when I see her, but if she’s _too_ pretty then I’ll spend all of our time together drowning in my sense of physical inadequacy instead of enjoying our relationship.”

“You do realize that you can make it so you look like whatever you want?” Angel chuckled.

          “Yes, but the purpose of being in a relationship is that you can be yourself with the person. And I’d like to be equally comfortable with my partner in my ‘natural’ form as I am in this one,” she said, gesturing to the blonde haired, hazelly-blue eyed form that she usually adopted while in public.

“That’s a fair request,” said Charles. “I’ll keep it in mind as I’m choosing your date for this weekend. That reminds me, I have my first meet up tonight.”

“That’s fast, you only signed up last night!” said Raven.

“I know, but I woke up to 12 potential match notifications on my laptop. I want through as many dates as soon as possible so I can weed out the people that I can’t see myself seriously dating.”

“Where are you guys meeting?” Angel asked.

“We’re just going to get coffee at a little place a couple of blocks away from the apartment. It’s a newer place so I haven’t been there before, but the online reviews look great.”

“That sounds like fun, but Moira or I will have to approve of what you’re wearing. For _all_ of your dates,” said Raven.

“What’s wrong with what I wear?” protests Charles.

“You own a ridiculous amount of sweater vests,” Angel points out. “You’re not an 89-year-old man, it’s a little weird. I get that you’re the absentminded professor type, but that doesn’t mean you have to look like one.”

“Yeah, you’d think since you teach students that are your same age you’d understand how to dress better. I mean your idea of ‘casual’ date wear is a button up with _all_ of the buttons done and slacks like you attend a fucking Catholic private school. Honestly Charles, it’s a miracle you ever get laid in the first place,” Raven adds.

“There’s nothing wrong with dressing like a professional, which in case you forgot, I am. And the Catholic schoolboy look is a turn on for some people.”  
          “Too much information, waaaay too much. Please change the subject.”

Charles checks his phone for the time. “Class starts in 10 minutes, so my students should be coming in any second now. I’m going to go grab those chairs for you now.”

By the time Charles came back with the chairs, about half of the students have filled into the room, chatting and getting out their notebooks. Raven and Angel were perched on his desk, whispering and giggling to each other.

“See anyone who you’d be interested in?” he asked while handing them the chairs.

“Raven thinks that girl, the one in the shades, sitting in the front row is kinda cute,” Angel replied.

“Irene Adler is her name; I’ve spoken to her a few times about her mutation. She’s blind but has the ability of precognition. She’s very intelligent, but she’ll be moving back to Austria after a few more semesters, and you don’t seem the type for long distance relationships.”

“Huh, shame. You said you have a few other classes right? You don’t have to choose someone right now,” said Raven.

“Is that doubt I’m detecting in your voice? Because if you want to back out now, then I’m more than willing to break off our deal.”

“No, I just want you to consider all of my options for me. I don’t want to waste my time dating someone I can’t be into either.”

“Ok, fine. I’m going to start class now. If you guys need to leave while I’m lecturing, the back door is over there.”

“Ok, sounds good,” Raven replies.

Charles glances down at the lesson plan laying on his desk. _Activation of X-Gene. Interesting,_ he thought. _Just my cup of tea._ “Ok class, we’re ready to get started now. Today we have two guests, my sister Raven and her friend Angel.”

The girls send the class a wave and hello, receiving a few mumbles of “hi Raven, hi Angel” in return.

“The topic of the day is the activation of the mutant gene,” Charles continues. “Can anyone tell me which chromosome usually contains the mutation that causes the unique abilities of _Homo superior_?”

Several students raised their hands to answer. Charles picked one sitting in the middle of the lecture hall, picking their name up from the thoughts they were projecting. “McCoy is it?”

“Yes, professor. The so-called X-gene usually appears on the 23rd chromosome, which is also the sex chromosome. About half of the mutant population is born with a distinctive markings or features that identify them as mutants. Though the process is not fully understood yet, for many puberty is the catalyst of their abilities manifesting, though it may also be caused by trauma, intense emotional turmoil, or a near death experience.”

“Thank you, Mr. McCoy,” Charles laughs. “You just covered the first 10 minutes of my lecture in a few sentences.”

“My apologies, professor.”

“None needed,” Charles replies with a dismissive wave of his hand. “As your classmate pointed out, there are a variety of ways to activate the X Gene. If you turn to page 394 in your textbooks you’ll find a diagram showing the differences between an X Gene before and after it’s activation.”

Charles continued to lecture for the rest of the hour. Because mutant genetics wasn’t a general ed class, all of the students who took it were very interested in the subject. Unlike the biology classes that he had been a T.A. in while finishing up his doctorate, the students actively engaged in discussions about the subject.

The depth of his student’s curiosity and passion impressed Charles. When he announced that he didn’t have another class to teach for the next hour, several of the students stayed behind to inquire about the specifics of mutant activation. This gave Charles the hope that if the time came for him to choose a research assistant that his potential partners would be qualified and capable.

Near the end of the line of students, Charles could see McCoy, the student who had answered his question at the beginning of class, chatting with Raven and Angel. He made a mental note to ask the girls what they were chatting about later.

It was finally McCoy’s turn to talk to Charles. He was an interesting mix of juxtapositions: he had the nervous demeanor of a scrawny, asthmatic nerd but towered over Charles in stature. By his best guess, he stood 6’3’’ tall. After greeting his professor, McCoy reached into his pocket to pull out a crumpled list of questions.

“I’m going to be late to my next class, but these questions have been burning a hole in my mind ever since I finished reading through the textbook last week.”

“You read the _entire_ textbook?” Charles asked incredulously.

“Yes, and any other piece of scientific mutant literature I could get my hands on,” he answered. “I find the field fascinating, though my findings left me with more questions than answers. I don’t want to take up too much of your time Dr. Xavier, so I’ll just read some of the more pressing ones. The X-gene is clearly sex linked, is there any definitive proof that it is passed on by father? Are the same sex hormones that are present in baselines humans the catalyst of the changes, or do mutants have special variations. Can you have intersex mutants, especially those with multiple sex chromosomes? Would hormone therapy for trans mutants affect their mutation?”

“Slow down there, McCoy. I can’t answer most of those questions off the top of my head, but if you give me your list I’ll see if any of my researcher friends in the field know anything.”

Hank’s eyes widened comically. “Would you really? Thank you so much, professor.”

“It’s no trouble at all really. And please, call me Charles.”

“Hank,” he replied, giving Charles a surprisingly strong handshake. “Thank you so much for your time, pr- Charles. I better run off, don’t wanna miss too much of biostatistics.”

Hank started to leave the lecture hall before realizing that he had forgotten to hand his paper to his teacher. Charles couldn’t help but laugh a little as he left; Hank had an absentminded professor quality to him that reminded Charles very much of himself.

“Sorry that took so long girls, my students are a curious bunch,” Charles apologized.

“That’s ok,” said Angel. “We accomplished the mission that we set out for.”

“You found a date? That’s great, Raven. Who with?”

“Hank, actually.”

“Hank!? He seems like a nice guy and all, but not your type. He’s so awkward.”

“Awkward and _sweet._ I could use someone like that in my life. And I did say I liked tall guys. Have you ever talked with him about his mutation?” Raven asked.

“No, I’m legally not allowed to broach the subject unless the student brings it up first.”

“But have you ever looked at his hands?”

“His hands? Why would I look at his hands.”  
          “Honestly Charles, I know you can be thick but you’d think you would notice that Hank has comically large hands. It’s a part of his mutation, his hands and feet are monkey-like and disproportionally large.

In his mind, Charles played back the moment when Hank handed him the list of questions. Now that he thought about it, Hank’s hands had showed some distinctly simian features. “Fascinating,” he said to himself.

“He’s blue too,” Angel added.

“What? I may be unobservant but I would have noticed if he had blue skin.”

“Not skin, fur,” said Raven. “He asked Angel and I what our mutations are so I showed him my natural form, just on my hand, and his eyes lit up. He explained that he was born his primary mutation that he developed at puberty was simian agility and remarkable strength. A few years after that he was hit by a car and developed a secondary mutation, he turns into a blue, furry, feline creature when placed under stress.”

“That must be why he’s so interested in researching the catalysts of mutations. Not to be a bad guy here, but I’m kind of hoping it doesn’t work out between you too. He is an excellent candidate for a research assistant, and I don’t want there to be a conflict of interest.”

“There won’t be, because he won’t be in _your_ pants,” Raven said. “I won’t go out with him if it _really_ bothers you that much, but don’t ruin this for me Charles.”

“He has the Angel seal of approval,” she added. “He seems like a lot better of a person than half of the douches she’s dated in the past.”

“Ok ok, but you better not scare the poor boy away. It’d make things in class very awkward. The future of mutant genetics as we know it would suffer, which would make me make sure you suffer as well.”

“Always so dramatic, brother dear,” Raven teased. “One more thing, we are _never_ going on a double date with you and one of your boyfriends,” said Raven.

“Agreed,” said Charles.

*************

After his date that night, Charles banged his head repeatedly against the front door in frustration.

“Bad night?” asked Raven as she passed by.

“You have no idea,” Charles replied. “I’m going to get myself a large glass of wine and burn my clothes to rid myself of any of his DNA that may have gotten on them.”

“Sucks to suck, bro,” said Raven, patting him on the shoulder. “ _I_ had a great time with Hank tonight. Better luck next time.”

Charles huffed angrily. _I swear she knew this was going to happen. I should have never agreed to this; I am going to_ kill _her if this disaster goes on much longer._


	4. Of Disasters and Dadhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles goes on a series of disaster dates, Erik tells his loved ones about his big decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it's been like six months since I last updated this fic so y'all are probably wondering if I died or not, to which I reply only on the inside. One of the commenters had requested that I make my chapters longer, and pulling a literary Icarus, I created a twelve page magnum opus for my next update (ok so it wasn't actually that good, but I was pretty proud of it.) So naturally as soon as I'm ready to post it, my computer crashes and the document was somehow lost forever, I throw a cried for three days straight and swore off writing forever, the usual stuff. But now I'm back and ready to try again. I've learned my lesson and am using Google Docs instead of Word this time around so hopefully we don't have any more hiccups like that. I'm going to be posting the sections to this chapter as I write them instead of making six separate chapters, so here's the first piece!  
> As usual, completely unbeta'd, comments welcome :)

Erik looked at his children sitting around the dinner table and heaved a heavy sigh. It was spaghetti night, which with small children translated to “let’s make as big of a mess as humanly possible” night. Erik had long since given up on trying to make his children behave at the dinner table, instead resigning himself to the complete chaos of mealtimes. Lorna, sitting in her high chair, had dumped her bowl on her head and had proceeded to mash it into her face and hair. The red tomato sauce clashed horridly with her green locks and the smashed noodles would be a bitch to wash out.

Pietro wasn’t much better, slurping his pasta so hard that the sauce splashed everywhere in a five-foot radius. He now was having a utensil fight with Lorna, flinging even more food across the kitchen. The only child who wasn’t making a mess was Wanda, who had ditched her food two bites in, preferring to instead to read a copy of Grimm’s Fairy Tales under the table.

It wasn’t exactly the most opportune moment to break potentially life changing news, but with three unruly children it was impossible to know if a perfect moment would ever come. _It’s now or never,_ he thought.

“ _Lieblings_ , I have something to talk to you about,” he said. “Pietro sit down please, Wanda, out from under the table.”

“What is it Papa?” Wanda asked.

“I have something very important to ask you guys,” he replied. “I always want to make sure it’s ok with you before I make any big decisions.”

“Are we getting a puppy?!” Pietro asked. “Please say we’re getting a puppy!”

“Puppy? Puppy!” Lorna echoed from her highchair, banging her cup and spilling milk everywhere.

“No, we are _not_ getting a puppy,” Erik said. “I have a hard enough time keeping up with you three, we hardly need to add a dog into that mix.”

“No puppy?” Lorna pouted.

“No _Spatzi_ , this news is much more exciting than that.”

“What’s more exciting than getting a puppy?” Wanda asked.

“Getting _TWO_ puppies?” Pietro inputted hopefully.

“There are _no_ puppies involved,” Erik said more forcefully. “This news has to do with people. How would you kids feel if Papa started dating again.”

“Dating?” Pietro asked. “Like where you go out and hold people’s hands and smooch them?”

“Something like that,” Erik replied, amused at the mildly disgusted look on his son’s face.

“You can’t do that Papa, girls can give you cooties!” Pietro exclaimed.

“Yeah, Kitty Pride gave cooties to Bobby Drake at recess today,” Wanda affirmed matter-of-factly. “I don’t want that to happen to you.”

Glad that the children’s immediate reaction to the news had been more positive than he’d hoped for, Erik decided to play along with their game.

“That’s true, getting cooties would be a terrible tragedy.”

“Tragy?” Lorna asked, trying out the big new word to her three-year-old vocabulary.

“It means very bad, _Spatzi_ ,” Erik explained. “How does one avoid getting these cooties?” he asked the twins.

“You can’t ever touch a girl’s hand or she’ll give them to you and you’ll get sick and die ‘cuz girls are icky.” Pietro explained.

“How come you haven’t gotten any cooties from Wanda then?” Erik asked.

“I can’t get cooties from _her_ , she’s my sister,” Pietro said.

“I don’t know if big people can _get_ cooties though,” Wanda said. “I’ll have to ask Kitty at school tomorrow.”

“And if adults are safe from cooties?” Erik asked.

“Then I think it’d be cool if you went on a date. You and your girlfriend could take us to ice cream.” Pietro said.

“Yeah, ice ceem!” Lorna echoed.

 _Two down,_ _one to go,_ Erik thought. He knew that Wanda was going to be the most difficult child to get approval from. Now that the great cootie debate was over, Wanda seemed to be giving the question much thought.

“People go on dates because they like each other?” Wanda said slowly. Erik nodded. “And because one day they want to get married?”

“Sometimes yes,” Erik said. “But I wouldn’t want to be dating that seriously any time soon.”

“But if you _did_ get married then the lady would become our stepmother, right?”

“Or stepfather, but yes.” Erik replied.

“But boys can’t marry boys, can they?” Pietro piped in.

“Of course they can,” Erik said, making a mental note to start teaching his children to combat heteronormativity. “You can marry anyone you want or not get married at all.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Pietro said. “It would be cool if you held a boy’s hand because then there’s no way you could get cooties.”

Erik chuckled at his son’s reaction. _If only everyone could be as easygoing and accepting as a child._

“Are stepfathers evil like stepmothers?” Wanda asked, brow furrowed.

“Evil? Where would you get an idea like that, Mäuschen?”

Wanda pointed to her book. “Snow White’s stepmother was evil and tried to have a huntsman cut out her heart. And in Cinderella the wicked stepmother made Cinderella clean all day and let her daughters be mean to her.”

“Those are just stories, Wanda. People aren’t like that in real life. And do you think I would _ever_ let a person into our lives who didn’t love you as much as I do?”

Wanda shook her head no. “Could your date really take us out for ice cream sometime?”

“I’m sure that that could be arranged,” he said with a smile at the one track minds of his children. “I’m glad that that’s settled, now who wants to take a bath?”

“Not it!” the twins shrieked simultaneously, running away in giggles.

Letting Lorna down from her high chair, Erik began to chase the children around the apartment in their nightly ritual of avoiding getting clean.

“What creature shall I be tonight, _kinder_?”

“A dinosaur!” shouted Pietro.

“Dwagon!” screamed Lorna.

“A robot!” added Wanda.

“It is I, the fearsome Robot-Dragonosaur,” Erik said in his pretend monster voice.

The children giggled and shrieked in delight and false terror as he stalked them in his best impression of a robot-dragonosaur walk. The kids teamed up to defeat the creature, making laser noises and stabbing at him with imaginary swords. Erik picked up each of the brave fighters, pretending to gobble them up by showering them with kisses. After he had finally been vanquished, Erik corralled his children to the bathroom to wash off the gore of battle, though apparently little knights hated bath time as much as little Lehnsherr’s did.

As it approached bedtime, Wanda begged for a story.

“What book do you want me to read from?” he asked.

“No Papa, I want you to make up a story,” she said.

“Can you tell us one about a brave knight?” asked Pietro.

“And a pwince?” said Lorna.

“And a big happy family,” said Wanda.

“I think I can make up a _perfect_ story for that,” Erik said. Lorna wormed her way into his lap and the twins cuddled into his sides. All three smelled of bath soap and toothpaste and felt warm against his skin. It was a rare moment that they all were holding still and quiet.

Erik had so much to do: a house to clean, bills to pay, blueprints to go over. But cleaning up the kitchen and starting the laundry could wait, he pushed those thoughts aside to savor this sweet moment with his children.

“ _Es war einmal…”_

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As y'all probably figured out, "Es war einmal" is German for once upon a time. And idk if I've mentioned it any point in the fic yet, but Lorna is fluent in German as well. At first Erik mostly spoke English at home for the sake of the twins's smooth assimilation, but once they were fluent he started to bring their mother tongue back in to their lives. This may or may not have caused some miscommunication between Lorna and her mother once she came along, but they sorted that all out pretty quickly.


End file.
